Saying there are white lies in developing courtships is an understatement. Calling someone a liar is not my cup of tea -- it is such a strong word -- yet, it is part of the scenario when searching for love.
I try to stay out of relationship scenarios. Once two people meet, it is up to the two people involved to determine if there is sincerity in the courtship or not. My insight to the courtship battle comes from the emails members send me when things go sour. In any given week, I can get quite a few emails looking for answers. When things do go sour in a relationship, love is suddenly replaced by confusion as they try to understand why the person they thought loved them has become a stranger. It is unfortunate, but it happens all the time.
The most common white lie before two people get to know each other goes something like this: "You are the only one for me and there is no one else." Both parties agree to this commitment, but while the relationship is developing, unforeseen circumstances come into light. I think the biggest mistake in courting someone is making such statements early in courtship. Think about it. You meet someone. He or she is hot. You fall in love with their look but you really don't know each other. It is only a week or two into the relationship and you are already telling someone you love them, want to marry them, etc. Meanwhile, time goes by and I guarantee you that there are going to be unforeseen circumstance that will come to light as you learn more about the person you are courting while at the same time you are learning about what you want from a relationship.
I have preached until I'm blue in the face that you should give the relationship time to develop before making any serious commitments. I'll go as far as saying you should not make a commitment of marriage until you have met in person. Eileen and I talked about marriage while courting, but I was very clear that neither of us can be certain if it is right until we have met each other and spent some time interacting. In my case, the magic was there when we met, but I have received many emails contrary to our experience after two people have met in person.
Talking about marriage or love is one thing, but telling a person you are in love with them and you will marry them before you get to know them is being irresponsible. I ask myself a thousand times "why". Are you afraid that if you don't tell someone you are in love with them in a few weeks they will move on? Are you starving for affection and by telling someone you love them you hope it will be reciprocated in kind? I'm not sure the reasons why people make commitments before knowing each other but I can say that time is usually your ally, not your enemy.
Love at first sight can happen, but usually it has more to do with your hormones than true love. Not that two people can't meet and know they were met for each other from the start, but usually this is the exception rather than the rule. Keeping your hormones in check and getting to know each other usually makes for a stronger foundation to build upon than words you may have to take back if things go sour. Remember, when two people are looking for love, your words take on a completely different meaning and level of expectations that may not be there if emotions were not involved. Getting to know each other takes more than words. Instead, you need time to learn if you can back those words with meaning and a commitment of love for a lifetime.
Good luck.
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Lying
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krissydiva