Aug 2007 -- Online Dating Today

It's important I put a date for this page. Why? Online dating is constantly changing. What I write today, may not be valid tomorrow. Also, by putting a date it gives us a history of events as I see them today. If at any time the following information seems outdated or you feel is inaccurate, please post on our Online Dating Forum.

I do need to post a disclaimer. I can not guarantee the accuracy of the information below -- the information provided is interpreted as best as I understand any applicable law for Online Dating and is solely my opinion.

Online Dating Myth or Truth -- Online Dating is Expensive

I'm going to qualify my answer by saying that their are direct and indirect expenses involved with online dating. I'll take it a step further and say this is true of any type of dating. If you are a guy asking a lady out on a traditional date, normally you are going to pay for the date and many more dates aftewards if the courtship continues.

Direct expense is you either pay or do not pay for membership to an Online Dating site. Filipina Eyes charges no fees for membership, so that is as cheap as it can get. However, if a guy does meet a lady at Filipina Eyes, more than likely there will be expenses involved if she lives beyond the borders of his country. I can't quote all the fees for every country, but in the U.S. these fees can be quite expensive. Consequently, most sites like Filipina Eyes, requires individuals who are stable and can afford to pay for the fees that are associated with immigration. Most of the fees associated with immigration laws are on the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) website. Besides the immigration fees, there are other expenses with the biggest one being you will have to meet your heart's desire in person to justify marriage requirements to a foreign lady under your country's law. This usually requires you to take a trip to their country. Is it worth it? Only you can decide. For myself -- to meet a lady who believed marriage was about love and not a tug of war between genders, was worth every cent and moment we both invested in our courtship.

Online Dating Myth or Truth -- Paid Membership is better than FREE Membership

Another tough one, but the answer has to be no. There are probably good and bad in either case, but overall it depends more on what you are looking for then the cost. In most cases, paid membership will have more bells and whistles, but that doesn't mean finding quality people is any better. The larger and more corporate like Online Dating sites, usually advertise quite heavily and their membership fees reflect this expense.

Most FREE Online Dating sites are smaller mom and pop type of sites. What they lack in resources they make up in customer relations and their experience. I doubt if many on E-harmony staff has experienced the trials and tribulations of marrying a lady from another country. Most online dating mom and pop sites are run by someone who has met, married and experienced what it takes to court and marry a lady beyond the borders of their country.

I say to each their own. In many ways, deciding what online dating site fits your needs is like picking a partner that is compatible to your personality. One thing can be said about FREE dating sites, it cost you nothing to give it a try.

Online Dating Myth or Truth -- Paid Membership has less hustlers, rapist or screw balls.

This is definitely not true. I'm going to touch on some issues that may be controversial, but common sense is one ingredients that seems to go out the window when people express their thoughts about Online Dating.

There is such a variety of different Online Dating sites, for me to cover all possibilities is impossible. But a few things can be surmised using good old common sense. A lot of international sites will have the male member pay a membership fee while it is free for lady members. As long as it is free for lady members, they are going to get their share of lady hustlers. Their is no way a webmaster of a dating site can determine the sincerity of a potential member by a membership application. But hell, this is just as true in the traditional dating world. When you first meet someone, you have no idea of their intent or sincerity until you get to know that person.

The rapist issue is even more controversial than most. The lack of common sense that is prevalent in regulation of Online Dating is an issue that is more about bureaucratic nonsense, favoritism and political agendas than what is right or wrong. Tell me, which type of dating site is more likely to attract a rapist.

(1) An Online dating site that introduces members within the same locale (i.e. at a lot of U.S. domestic dating sites you can contact someone locally and meet them later in your area)

(2) An international dating site where you are usually contacting a member who lives beyond your borders.

But guess which one above is regulated and which one is not -- #1 no regulation -- #2 regulated. If this doesn't tell you laws are about political agendas, and special interest groups trying to make a buck for themselves, I don't know what does.

Lets add to the fact that meeting someone and courting a person who lives beyond the U.S. borders requires fees, and immigration paperwork that most rapist don't have the agility or staying power to put up with. But to meet a local gal through a dating site that caters to that area requires no paperwork, no immigration fees, just the time it takes to arrange for a meeting. Laws are about money, not about what is right or wrong. Enough said. Where is the common sense. You decide.

Online Dating Myth or Truth -- Common Sense is needed in Online Dating

Oh God Yes! Why is it that when we go on a traditional date, we use our God given instincts, common sense and personality skills to determine if that person is the ONE but as soon as we get on the internet we throw all caution in the wind. A good example of this is when a lady asks a male member for money. If you went on a traditional date, and the lady looked you in the eye and before you even got to know her, she asks: "can you give me $500 to complete my school work, or pay for my dad's funeral, or help pay for a lawyer to get my brother out of jail, etc, etc, etc" you would walk away from that date knowing you will never contact that lady again.

Well guys, same scenario on the internet. If a lady that you just met is asking you for money, common sense should prevail. She is hustling. Walk away. Common sense should also tell you that if indeed love does flourish in time (more than a few emails) expenses may need to be discussed. When I met Eileen, she never asked me for a dime during courtship. When I asked her to marry me, I knew that immigration expenses would be involved on her end, as well as mind. That was the time we discussed what expenses were involved, not during the get to know each other stages of the relationship.

Granted, their may be some minor expenses even during courtship that makes sense. If you want to help a lady you are getting to know with postage fees, internet cafe fees, etc, that probably is a risk worth taking. If it turns out she is not the one, you probably didn't lose any more money than you would spend on a night out at your local club. But hustlers are rarely after a few dollars -- it is more likely they are after amounts in the hundreds, even thousands if they think they have a real fish hooked on their line of bull.

Do guys hustle? Yes, but usually it is more about the heart than money. Some guys will string a lady or ladies along until someone else comes along that is prettier or sexier. They break a heart or two along the way. Don't get me wrong, any hustle is fair game no matter what gender we are talking about, but some genders do have their favorites.

Common sense should prevail. Don't come crying to the webmaster if you decide to send a lady $100, $200, $300 or more. No webmaster can predict what every members intentions may be. Hopefully it is for love, but if a lady joins to hustle it won't be known her true intention until she commits the act and it is reported -- or -- if a guy joins and says he is single on his application but really is a married man looking for fun, the webmaster isn't going to know what his intentions are by his application. You can add TIME to Common Sense as an ingredient to your search. Rushing into a relationship before getting to know a person is a formula that usually turns sour.

I think I will stop here by saying that Online Dating is a tool. How it is used is as varied as there are personalities who are looking for love. Magic wands or crystal balls may be fun, but the reality is that if you are serious about finding that special someone it takes more than a picture, a few words or a personality profile, it takes heart, determination and common sense. If you trust yourself, than trust you have what it takes to find that special someone to love you and for you to love them.